Let me be very honest. There are moments in my days when I fall into an old habit of making:
A quick assumption
A silent critique
A subtle withdrawing of my heart
It happens faster than I would like to admit.
Judgement can feel oh so right. It gives us certainty. It protects us from discomfort. It reassures us that we understand what is going on. But certainty is not the same as wisdom.
The habit of judgement, over time, quietly distances us — from others and from the gentler work God may be doing within us.
Jesus’ words are clear: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” – Matthew 7:1
This isn’t a call to abandon discernment. It’s an invitation to examine our posture, our habit of mind.
Why We Judge
We judge when we feel unsure. We judge when we feel threatened. We judge when something in someone else mirrors something unresolved in us.
Judgement often tells us more about our own insecurities than about the other person.
The quieter, braver question becomes: What is this reaction revealing about me?
The psalmist models this kind of honesty: “Search me, God, and know my heart…” – Psalms 139:23
Not: “Fix them.”
But: “Search me.”
That’s a different posture altogether.
The Shift: From Certainty to Curiosity
Judgement says:
“I know what this means.”
Curiosity says:
“I wonder what might be happening here?”
· That colleague who seems abrupt — could they be carrying private grief?
· That exhausted parent who looks disengaged — could they be navigating something we cannot see?
· That young person pushing back — could they feel unheard?
Curiosity doesn’t excuse harmful behaviour. But it does create room for understanding.
And Scripture gently reminds us: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…” – James 1:19
Slowness is sacred. Listening is powerful.
Noticing Our Triggers
Some people stir something in us immediately. A tone. A personality. A worldview. A value difference.
Instead of hardening, we can pause:
Why does this feel charged for me?
What moral weighting am I bringing into this?
What story am I telling about this person?
Mindfulness teaches us that a thought is not a fact. Faith teaches us that growth often begins in humility.
When we become aware of our inner reactions without shaming ourselves for them, something softens.
Reframing With Grace
Small shifts in language change the atmosphere of our hearts.
Instead of: “She’s attention-seeking.”
Pose the Question: “I wonder what need is underneath that?”
Instead of: “He’s lazy.”
Pose the Question: “I wonder what’s draining his energy?”
This isn’t naïve optimism. It’s choosing mercy over assumption.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another…” – Ephesians 4:32
Compassion is not weakness. It is strength under control.
When We Remember Our Own Need for Grace
Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:
We are all unfinished. We all make mistakes. We all hope to be understood.
We all long to be seen with generosity rather than suspicion.
The more aware we are of the patience God extends to us, the less comfortable we become withholding it from others.
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” – Psalms 103:8
If this is how we are seen and loved by God, perhaps we can learn to see others this way too.
A Gentle Invitation
Moving from judgement to curiosity is not about becoming passive or permissive. It is about becoming more open to your own humanity and that of others.
Judgement tightens. Curiosity opens.
Judgement separates. Curiosity connects.
Judgement is quick. Curiosity is patient.
Judgement pontificates. Curiosity partners.
Perhaps today the invitation is simply this: When you notice the mindset of judgement being triggered try the following strategies to begin the journey of changing your mind or 'being transformed' as the bible speaks of:
Pause. Notice the trigger
Breathe. Name the emotions
Pose a question. Test your mindset
Whisper a small prayer. For yourself first and then the other
“Lord, help me see this person the way You do.” That quiet shift may not change them.
But it will change you. And sometimes that is where true C-Change begins.
