Search for Signficance
The Search for Significance
Many people who come to counselling or supervision don’t arrive saying,
“I’m struggling with my identity.”
Instead, they say things like:
I feel constantly tired but can’t slow down.
I’m doing well, but it never feels like enough.
I overthink everything I say or do.
I feel responsible for everyone else’s wellbeing.
Underneath these experiences often sits a deeper, quieter question:
“Where does my sense of worth actually come from?”
That question is at the heart of *The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee - a book that continues to resonate because it names something many people feel but struggle to articulate.
When Identity Gets Built on Shaky Ground
McGee suggests that many of us grow up learning—often unintentionally—that our value is connected to things like:
performance and achievement
approval and affirmation
being needed or useful
avoiding mistakes, conflict, or failure
None of these are bad things. In fact, many of them are strengths.
The problem comes when they quietly become the measure of our worth.
When this happens, life can feel like a constant evaluation:
Am I doing enough?
Did I get that right?
What will they think?
What if I disappoint someone?
And over time, this pressure shows up as anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, or a deep sense of never quite measuring up.
The Exhaustion of “Proving Yourself”
One of the most freeing insights in The Search for Significance is this:
worth was never meant to be something we earn or maintain through effort.
Yet so many of us live as though it is.
We strive.
We achieve.
We hold it together.
We care deeply.
But inside, there can be a quiet fear that if we stop—or fail—or say no—we might lose our value.
This is especially common among educators, leaders, carers, helpers, and people of faith who are deeply committed to serving others.
A Gentler Foundation: Identity in Christ
From a Christian perspective, McGee continually brings the conversation back to a different foundation for identity—one that doesn’t rise and fall with performance.
Scripture speaks directly to this core issue:
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are.”
(1 John 3:1)
Not children of God if we perform well.
Not children of God when we get it right.
Simply—children of God.
And again:
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
(Romans 8:1)
This speaks to the deep relief many people long for—the freedom to live, grow, learn, and even fail without shame defining them.
Why This Matters for Everyday Life
When identity is anchored in Christ rather than achievement:
rest becomes possible
boundaries feel less selfish
mistakes become teachers, not verdicts
“being” matters as much as “doing”
This doesn’t remove responsibility or purpose—but it softens the pressure we carry.
Instead of asking,
“Am I enough?”
The question gently shifts to,
“Who am I becoming, and what matters most?”
A C-Change Reflection
At C-Change, I often see that lasting change doesn’t begin with trying harder—it begins with seeing yourself differently.
If you’ve been feeling:
driven but drained
capable but self-critical
faithful yet fatigued
It may be worth pausing to reflect:
What have I been using to measure my worth?
What would it look like to receive my identity, rather than prove it?
How might life feel if I truly believed my value was secure?
A Quiet Invitation
The Search for Significance doesn’t offer quick answers or loud solutions.
It offers something more sustaining—a return to a steady, grace-based sense of identity.
One that reminds us:
you are valued not for what you produce, but for who you are—first and always.
If this theme resonates, it’s often a meaningful place to explore further in counselling, coaching, or professional supervision—especially for those who carry responsibility for others.
You don’t have to keep carrying the weight of proving yourself.
*The Search for Significance Robert S. McGee 1990 UK Word Ltd)
